Discerning Your Name

I was reading last night and I came across this scripture that I didn’t ever give much thought to, John 11:16 Therefore Thomas, who is called Didymus, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, so that we may die with Him.”
It doesn’t make sense in the passage whatsoever other than the fact he is either willing to die now (sick of life) or was simply prophesying without realizing it?
A few years ago someone asked me what the meaning of my name was, he knew, but would never tell me. He said that the names mean a lot in his family and they really dive into them so this morning I’m reading commentary on my name through S. Thomas. Quite interesting, and truly seems true to me with my walk of life. From the double portion of spiritual nature, to the consistent war between unbelief and faith, and to the readying of leaving this world to go unto Heaven speaks a lot to me.
It leaves me with wonder and a sad outlook. It is amazing how we play into the roles of our name in life. To tell you a secret ever since I was a little boy I have had a suicidal tendency (that part isn’t a secret) but I always told Jesus that I want to die at 33 at the same age as him. I don’t want to live any longer than that. I never really could attribute it to anything but the lackluster of my parents. Or at least so I thought up to this point in life when I simply realized, I really am Thomas. I am twin to no one so what could it even mean if not for the spiritual sense. The sense of wanting to depart this world and be with my Father in the Heavenly realms? At age 33.. some would call this young.. I would call it well worth time spent here. However, with children in the mix now it seems highly selfish and I’m sure you would agree. So with 33 out the window comes the passion of life I must cling onto. The passion of seeing all of God’s people. The passion to uplift and care, to support and entertain! Though my spirit may be ready and willing to move on I can still make a great life of the one I was given here. And in that, is amazing excitement!

But the mystery continues as Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges writes

“die with him] Of course with Christ (John 11:8). It is strange that any should understand it of Lazarus. They could not die with him, for he was dead already, and S. Thomas knew this (John 11:14).”

Very, very interesting.

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